myopia

Facebook and the Digital Graveyard

share -------->

I have had a couple friends and acquaintances that have passed away since the advent of Facebook. At one point they were active Facebook users posting statuses about meals and photos of themselves, family, and friends. Then they got sick, or there was a car accident, and their faces stopped popping up in my news feed. But their pages are still there.

Andy Tang was one of those friends. Four or five years ago Andy passed away. When I visit his Facebook page now I can still see pictures of him as he was, and in the place of quips about television shows or (knowing Andy) dead baby jokes, I can see hundreds of heartfelt remembrances from the people whose lives he touched, messages that are posted anytime he happens to be on their minds.

Some people may find that creepy, or too science-fiction-y. But, honestly, I think its kind of great. Cemeteries and graveyards have always been such grief ridden places, and everyday more Facebook profiles become digital tombstones, but instead of becoming solemn lonely places that we avoid at all costs, they become public forums in which friends can share memories and show respect. And it gives me some additional faith in humanity that this behavior grew organically, a natural result of our desire to keep the ones we love alive in some way.

So this is just to say that I miss you Andy, you were one of the two-est guys I’ve ever known.

Kids These Days…

share -------->

My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and earlier today I found myself thinking about how amazing birthdays used to be. When I was a kid I would get excited about my birthday MONTHS in advance, staying awake fantasizing about all of the amazing presents, candy, and attention that was coming my way. Nowadays I don’t get anywhere near as excited, and nor should I. But I will say I envy kids today because in recent years toys have gotten fucking awesome.

I don’t think there’s ever been a better time to be a middle-class suburban kid between the ages of 7 and 12. With the advent of the internet, super cheap electrical components, and a decline in regard for children’s safety a new wave of incredible toys are available that would have been on my birthday list every single year. Not to say I would have gotten any of these toys, but getting the toy was never really actually as exciting or fulfilling as just wanting the toy.

Remote Control Helicopters

OK I have to be honest here and admit that I already actually own a remote control helicopter, it cost about $20, I got it off of Amazon, and its one of my favorite toys that I have ever owned. I keep at my desk at work as an occasional distraction. It’s already broken, but that’s to be expected because its AN ACTUAL FLYING RC HELICOPTER THAT ONLY COST $20. You’ve probably seen these at the mall a 1,000 times and think its no big deal, but I will for the rest of my life think they’re the biggest deal ever.

Collections created on Beso

View Entire Collection >>

Catapults & Trebuchets

All of my birthday money would have been spent on these. My backyard and the park across the street would have been littered with destroyed catapults and multiple Saturdays would have been spent mucking around in the garage failing to build my own large-scale versions. Our house cats would have lived in fear, and with good reason.

Collections created on Beso

View Entire Collection >>

Electric Skateboards & Scooters

I always owned a skateboard as a kid, sometimes multiple skateboards, but I was ALWAYS super shitty at riding them. I was the kid who at 12 years old was still pushing along a skateboard on his hands and knees, occasionally running over and destroying finger nails. But I still would have wanted one of these.

Collections created on Beso

View Entire Collection >>

Three Music Videos

share -------->

A few years ago it seemed as if we were witnessing the death of the Music Video. MTV and VH1 had both switched up there programming to focus nearly entirely on reality television and even when they did show music videos it was exclusively overproduced top 40 dreck. Luckily YouTube has come along and brought with it a new renaissance of strange, interesting, beautiful, and funny music videos. I am in no way a music aficionado but below are 3 of my favorite music videos that I have encountered over the past year or so, chosen for both the music itself and the engaging video art to accompany it.

Gotye – Somebody That I Used to Know

As you can tell by the view count, everybody and their mom have watched this video twice. I still love it, the melody is infectious and the dude’s “I’m-seriously-on-the-verge-of-tears” face really drives home the tone of the song. There’s a lot of skin in this video so the first time Stacie saw me watching it she thought I was looking at porn…crazy sad body-paint oriented porn.

Jogger – Nephicide

This video confirms all of my feelings towards teenagers who wear all black, eyeliner, and face paint. They’re awesome, but not for the reasons they think they are.

The Decembrists – The Mariner’s Revenge Song

I love a good revenge story, case in point The Count of Monte Cristo remains one of my favorite books. Additionally I find the spectacle of a well orchestrated live musical performance hypnotic and as an added bonus Colin Meloy has crazy mouth when he sings!

FOUND: One Rap Song

share -------->

I was walking my dog the other night around the recreation center at Poinsettia Park in Hollywood when I happened upon a small folded up slip of paper lying on the ground. I’ve always been an avid “finder”. That is I regularly find lost things on the ground and happily scoop them up with little regard towards the possibility of germs or looking like a weirdo. In the past it has yielded some pretty great finds including:

  • A stream-of-consciousness imagining of Brooklyn Heights if it were back in the early 1900′s scribbled on the back of a receipt for a visit to a psychiatrist.
  • A note written to a nun asking her to pray for a homeless woman’s sister who is dying of cancer.
  • 2 Flash memory cards, found on separate occasions. The first contained the highlights of a Los Angeles man’s trip to a “low-rider” show (including numerous shots of a woman’s butt in shorts with the word “Bubbles” on them in graffiti letters), and the second contained pictures from a young man’s trip to Washington DC along with several of random young women who had no idea they were being photographed.

In most cases I have turned right back around and lost my found treasures, using them as bookmarks in books I fail to finish and never hold on to, or misplacing them in cross country moves. Sometimes some things just want to stay lost it seems. This night, the scrap of paper turned out to contain what I can only assume is a rap song from a budding MC. Just check out these sick rhymes:


Read the rest of this entry »

The Terribly Wonderful Strorefront Murals of East Hollywood

share -------->

I’ve lived in Los Angeles for around 4 of the last 7 years, much of that time has been spent in various regions of Hollywood with a couple of long-term stints in the glorious burgeoning hipster mecca that is East Hollywood. East Hollywood has many intriguing features including great ethnic food in Little Armenia and Thai Town, hastily renovated art deco apartment buildings, and adequately gentrified shopping districts in Los Feliz and Silverlake. But one of my favorite parts of East Hollywood has always been the murals, specifically the bad ones. There are plenty of totally decent murals in East Hollywood, and tons of murals across Hollywood at large, but there’s a special flavor of mural that seems to proliferate north of Melrose and east of Western. They’re mostly painted on storefronts, seemingly by artists of widely varying skill-level, and often contain extremely specific depictions of products and brands.

This weekend, while my wife was out winning the Rose Bowl Flea Market (its exactly like the football-Rose Bowl but with distressed furniture), I took a day trip east of Western and into my old neighborhood to snap a few pictures of some of my favorites.

Karate Wall – Santa Monica and Alexandria

Store Owner: Sure nephew, you can explore your emerging interest in art by painting a mural on my store wall! What do you want to paint?

“Artist”: I’m thinking Fat Elvis doing a Flying Dragon Kick at two dudes, with one of the dudes on the other’s shoulders.

Store Owner: Amazing! But can I suggest one thing? Make the two dudes Italian mobster types.

“Artist”: Genius!

Read the rest of this entry »

The Golden Globe Nominees for Best Product Placement in a Television Series

share -------->

In this age of the DVR, Netflix, and on-demand television via Amazon or iTunes it’s becoming easier and easier to completely avoid commercials. Viewers like myself are spending much less of their lives watching commercials and that’s both driving down the value of traditional 30-second spots and contributing to the rise of paid product placements within the shows themselves. Paid product placement is nothing new (this handy infographic can give you a brief primer on their history) but the amount of money spent by brands on these placements has risen dramatically in recent years and it is now a multi-BILLION dollar market.

With that in mind I believe its time we began acknowledging products for the role they play in our entertainment landscape. Now I don’t want to start giving out Emmys or Oscars to products (let’s not get crazy here) nor should they be relegated to the People’s Choice Awards (that would be just mean). However the Golden Globes (otherwise known as the awards show that everybody gets drunk at) seems like a perfect fit.

Purell – Big Bang Theory



The Big Bang Theory executed three of the most memorable product placements of the year according to a recent Nielsen report. And the October 27th episode featuring Sheldon’s use of Purell after handling another guy’s snake (just go ahead and process that for a second) was the most memorable placement for both the show and the year.

Coca-Cola – American Idol


You know what's inside Paula's cup? Pills...it's just pills all the way down.


Coca-Cola has pledged repeatedly that it will not market its sugar water/industrial strength solvent to children out of respect towards the ever worsening childhood obesity epidemic. However a recent study from the Yale’s Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity has shown that children were exposed to the Coca-Cola brand through product placement 5 TIMES as much as through traditional forms of advertising.


Don't take it lightly? YOU JUST DID!


In the Nielsen report referenced earlier American Idol ranked as the most active primetime television show when it comes to product placements, chalking up nearly 600 product integrations in the 2011 season. Congratulations Coca-Cola and American Idol, you’re leading the charge in keeping America’s children fat and taste in music bland and uninspired.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Top 10 Movies Starring Black Actors Dressing Up Like Fat Women

share -------->

It must be tough to be an overweight black woman trying to make it as an actress in Hollywood, I would venture to say that it must be damn near impossible. Not only are you competing against negative stereotypes of people that are overweight, black, and female but even when Hollywood does decide to make a movie with a strong overweight black female protagonist more often than not the part is inexplicably given to a comedic black MALE actor. For every Queen Latifah movie that gets the green light 3 more are made starring Martin Lawrence fighting crime in a bad wig and a moomoo.

The trend of casting comedic male actors in the role of loud boisterous black women (most often to comic effect) first took hold in the late 90′s with the release of The Nutty Professor. Then it exploded through the 2000′s, culminating in the rise of Tyler Perry to international fame. To date we are left with a dozen movies made in the past 15 years having collectively grossed over $900 million dollars. Below are the top 10 of this…cinematic canon. Please note I have only actually seen 3 of these films (I’ll let you try and guess which) so the ranking is based largely off audience reception, success at the box office, critical reaction, and my own highly biased and uninformed opinion.

All ratings were garnered from RottenTomatoes.com and box office totals were culled from BoxOfficeMojo.com.

10. Norbit (2007) – Eddie Murphy

Ratings: Critics 9%, Audience 56% Box Office: $95 Million

Have you ever made a big mistake? Like making a film and then realizing it’s two hours of Eddie Murphy dressing up in a fat suit and trying to rape Eddie Murphy? And its a comedy. Norbit makes the top 10 because of its stupid large Box Office numbers (nearly $40 million more than any Woody Allen movie ever), but it gets the bottom spot by being the only movie that not only denigrates black women in its general portrayal but then actually has the balls to make the subject of its ridicule the VILLAIN in the movie! Eddie Murphy’s Rasputia is the Shylock of fat-suit drag comedies.

9. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011) – Martin Lawrence

Ratings: Critics 5%, Audience 50% Box Office: $37 Million



Not only did the third installment of the Big Mamma trilogy (…god help us) put up the worst box office performance for any major theatrical release of a black comedic actor dressed as a fat black woman, it also received the most negative reviews from both critics and regular film-goers. Among the few and far between good reviews from professional critics is this gem courtesy of Kam Williams at TheLoop21.com:

“What’s funnier than a black dude in drag? How about two black dudes in drag?”

Read the rest of this entry »

Is it company policy to fuck up my nugget sauce order? (an open letter to McDonald’s)

share -------->

Dear McDonald’s,

Is it company policy to fuck up my nugget sauce order? I ask this question after much thought, consideration, and (sad to say) experience with your company’s products and services. When I was a small child I would go bowling with my Dad on Sundays, and afterwards we would always go to a McDonald’s across the street from the bowling alley. I would always order chicken nuggets, a 6 piece meal at first and then a 10 piece after you magically convinced all of us that we needed four more nuggets (genius). Even then, between the ages of 6 and 14 maybe, I knew that if I wanted to get the desired amount and type of sauce that I had asked for then I was going to need to watch your entire staff like a hawk. Tracking the chain of custody of my order with my arms crossed, making sure that two packets of bbq and in my later years one sweet & sour (those 4 extra nuggets broadened my sauce horizons) were safely placed on the tray holding my order. If I went to the bathroom, or left the tray picking up to my dad, then there was a 95% chance that I was going to have to make a trip to the counter and lobby for the correct sauce as was ordered.


If you can't get my order right when there are three choices then why would you invent 5 MORE?? YOU'RE KILLING ME!


 

The problem has persisted and only intensified as I have entered adult life. The large bulk of my encounters with one of your locations is now within the context of the drive-thru. If I am in my car going through the McDonald’s drive-thru then I am already feeling bad enough about myself, but your staff takes the opportunity to kick a man while he’s down by either throwing the wrong sauces into the bag (ranch dressing? REALLY??) or completely leaving them out. Many times, in my hurry to not be seen in the McDonald’s drive-thru by any adults that I know, I will speed off without digging through the bag. Now I cannot just walk up to the counter, now I would actually have to turn the car around and even worse get out of it. And now, I have a wife at home that’s expecting me…I can’t spend an extra 15 minutes getting my correct sauce so I just have to go home and fucking deal. Worst of all, most of the time its not that you give me the wrong sauce…most of the time YOU DON’T GIVE ME ANY AT ALL.

Have you ever had a chicken nugget without any sauce? It’s like eating a packing peanut that’s been soaked in Top Ramen broth, freeze dried, and then slighlty warmed up. Nobody in their right mind would order and eat 10 chicken nuggets without any sauce. And yet your employees seem to treat that as the default order, like ordering sauce is some event that happens only a few times a day. Ketchup on the other hand is practically shoveled into my car window, you cannot give me enough ketchup. Do you think I want to bring some ketchup home to the family? Or that I’m building a scale model of Los Angeles entirely out of ketchup packets?


Great, now I feel like painting in water colors.


 

The only conclusion I can derive from all of this is that nugget sauce must be way more expensive than I imagine. Perhaps the sauce is of limited supply, brewed using some petroleum based by-product that only results from an oil refinery technique that is only practiced in the Ukraine. You have probably done studies and figured out that without the promise of sauce nobody would order nuggets, but if you just give people the nuggets that they will still keep coming back in hopes of also getting sauce. Your locations will sporadically and randomly charge for sauce, I’ve seen it as much as $0.25. In all honesty, I am TOTALLY fine with that. But still, even when I’m paying for it, I get the evil eye and the register person looks at me like they’ll be required to do a pile of paperwork after their shift to explain how it is that they actually let a customer have their sauce.

You have some explaining to do McDonald’s. What’s the secret of the sauce? If I don’t receive an adequate response then I will be forced to…keep eating McNuggets cause I’m probably chemically addicted. Damn you.

Sincerely,
Evan Moore

Want more Myopia?

SUBSCRIBE

Weird Science

share -------->

I’ve always been fascinated with the future, both in the context of science fiction and the educated prognostications put forth by so-called Futurists (or Futurologists if you feel like pronouncing a word that sounds ridiculous). So the other night I was delighted when an interview with renowned futurist Michio Kaku came on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross. Throughout the interview Michio touched on an abundance of awesome futury (is that a word? it is IN THE FUTURE!) stuff including internet enabled contact lenses, computer interfaces with the human brain, and self driving cars. But the subject that left the biggest impression on me was the idea of recording and transferring memories and knowledge.


Michio Kaku - Shakes hands with robots, builds particle accelerators in his garage as a teenager, is better than you.


Apparently in the last couple months a study was performed (by scientists no less) in which the activity of a mouse’s hippocampus was recorded as it was learning to perform a specific task. That mouse was then made to forget learning that task with drugs (probably pot, RIGHT GUYS!?). Then the scientists were able to play the previously recorded memory back into the mouse’s brain, and the mouse knew how to perform the task again. This is how Kaku describes it:

“Two months ago, history was made when [scientists] were able to put a memory directly into a mouse. This is the first time in history it has been done — it’s something right out of science fiction. What they did was, they looked at the hippocampus of a mouse, and tape-recorded impulses as it learned a task. That’s the gateway for memory: All memories first go through the hippocampus. They tape-recorded the impulses. Then they gave it a chemical which made the mouse forget the task. Then they took this tape-recording, shot it back into the mouse, and the mouse immediately knew how to do the task.

“This is the first time it has been demonstrated that you can actually tape-record a memory and then reinsert the memory into a mouse and have the mouse perform the task that it previously forgot. The implications of this are enormous. … It means that memories, in principle, might be tape-recorded and then shot right back into your brain or somebody else’s brain.”

The way he keeps saying “tape-recorded” makes me picture a very serious scientist in a lab coat poking a headphone jack into a mouse’s ear. I tried google image-searching that and got nothing so I’ll just have to settle with my stupid imagination for now. Kaku went on to imagine a world where knowledge and experiences can be downloaded directly into the brain cutting out that messy process of having to actually experience or learn things on our own.  That’s some damn good futurology right there.

Futurists tend to look at the utopian aspects of new technological developments, however I’m more of a science fiction minded person and therefore tend to focus on the dystopian aspects of new technologies. You see, we may be on the verge of being able to record and transfer memories and knowledge but we still have no idea how to synthetically CREATE memories or knowledge. We don’t speak brain. And, according to Michio Kaku himself, the technology necessary to speak brain is several decades away.

So now imagine a world in the relatively near future in which you can boot up your internet enabled contact lens, surf through “cyberspace” like Lawnmower Man, and download an experience or body of knowledge from iTunes (cause Apple would be ALL over this) directly into your brain. Sounds great right? Except, until we learn how to speak brain, somebody will have to manually learn that knowledge and actually have that experience that you’re downloading a copy of.

Picture an entirely new class of workers whose job it is to learn subjects and have experiences so that their brain activity can be recorded and sold to millions of other people. At the high end of this market smart middle class kids get educations at Ivy League schools, their tuition subsidized by a company that records their learning and sells it off to the children of upper class bankers, doctors, and lawyers. The mass market equivalent would involve thousands of different vocational knowledge bases like car repair, computer programming, plumbing and heating, etc (“Do you want to make more money? SURE, we all do!” – Sally Struthers every day of my entire childhood). Not to mention mental vacations, songs, books. To drive down costs for the mass market all of the learning and experiencing would be done by those willing to work for the lowest wages, creating a new kind of exploitation where the first world pays the third world to live the boring or difficult part of their lives for them.

And at the bottom end of the market, on the fringes of legality and cultural acceptance, a seedy world of lurid sex and weird fetishes. A black market would exist for those looking to experience pain, murder, rape, and probably even death. Legislating and regulating the creation and sale of this content would be a nightmare, piracy would be rampant, governments would overreact and under-react at all the wrong times. Oppressive regimes would attempt mind-control, religions would find a new method with which to spread the gospel (could you download faith?).


Shitty 90's movie always get the future right...even if they're usually off by a decade or three.


And worst of all, or best of all, millions of people would be living other people’s lives…knowing other people’s thoughts, feeling other people’s emotions, and having other people’s dreams. The borders between self and other would blur, identity as we know it would be lost. Hive mind all up in this bitch.

Is this good or bad? An inevitability or a fantasy? Whenever I have heard older generations speak of new technologies with ignorance and fear I always thought that they were being foolish and I have never sympathized. But if this technology comes to pass then perhaps I will be the Luddite, perhaps I will understand what it feels like to be obsolete.